Dads and extended parental leave: a personal perspective

Emily Smeed (right) with her husband Lewis and son Austin

It felt like a natural decision for me to take 12 months of parental leave; it was something I’d always planned, a rite of passage. I’d learn to be a mum, cherish the precious first year, and come back to the workplace feeling ready to restart my next career chapter. It was also natural for our dynamic that my husband, Lewis, and I would take a 50:50 approach to parenting. However, it was only when a male friend highlighted that they were taking over primary parental leave from their wife that we thought, “Hey, can Lewis do this too?”.

After some supportive conversations with Lewis’ workplace, he had his plans in place. We decided Lewis would take over the primary caregiver role as I transitioned back to the workplace, taking 14 weeks of parental leave and 2 of weeks annual leave.

Lewis then took the lead on the next chapter of family life, gradually introducing Austin into daycare over the latter 2 months. Having both of us take primary carer leave financially enabled us to maximise the amount of time one of us could stay at home with Austin and allowed me to get a couple of pay cheques in before shelling out for daycare fees!

Having the emotional headspace to focus on re-establishing my career knowing my son was in familiar hands was an absolute game changer.

And staggering Austin’s transition into daycare meant not having to deal with two huge life changes at once. Even with Lewis holding the fort, returning to work after 12 months was still a challenge – both emotionally and physically as I juggled breastfeeding and mastitis from failed weaning attempts.

Both of us experiencing parental leave meant that we both appreciate the nuances of having to solo parent. We know that when one of us goes out, travels with work, or simply is just not having a good day, the other can handle any aspect of parenting with no problem. There’s no need for texts like, “Don’t forget his favourite book,” “Did you get him down yet?” or “Do I need to come help?”. Austin doesn’t have a strong parental preference – though he is a toddler, so I am aware this can change wildly any second!

I’m really proud of the close relationship Lewis and Austin have built as father and son. Lewis said, “I feel so lucky I got to spend that time with him.”

When we talk about our experience with other expectant parents, some are excited to find out what is possible, while many others are more cautious about going outside the cultural norm. Many dads I’ve talked with feel like taking primary parental leave is a loophole, and many dads don’t even know the option is on the table.

Let’s lay entitlements on the table and make sure our expectant parents, regardless of gender, know exactly what they can access. This removes any stigma around asking and can be as simple as wording in a policy document.

I am a proud member of Coca-Cola Europacific Partner’s Gender Catalyst group, working to empower dads to take greater carer responsibilities at home. The latest data shows a positive start to shifting cultural norms with 9% increase of men taking primary parental leave.

The benefits to our family are clear, emotionally, and financially. For businesses, more equitable parental leave entitlements facilitate retention, gender equality, and inclusion. Lewis and I know both our workplaces get more focused, engaged employees who are well-equipped to conquer and divide the additional personal workload that comes with parenting.